Monday, March 23, 2009 "Top Ten" reasons why they Packers have been quiet in free agency thus far...

So I've been pretty critical of the Packers failure to do much in free agency thus far. offers up 10 explanations. Some are funny, others legit, and some I'd disagree with. For instance, #7 is true every year, and thus doesn't really apply. As far as #6 and #8 go, every year they say there's no one worthwhile and we should save it for next year, and every year we don't. There'll be no cap in 2010, but I bet we won't sign anyone anyway.


10. We’re perfect. We don’t need much of an overhaul, a word I’m hearing far too much lately. We just need to get healthy, plug a few gaps (draft) and move onto camp!

9. Dom Capers stole it for hair cream.

Dom Capers Hair

Dom Capers Hair

Dom Capers has fabulous hair. Even at an old age, his hair is magnificent. That’s not good genes, that’s good hair product. Nobody can afford that much hair product unless they’ve pulled off a heist, or stolen the cap money from Ted’s mattress.

8. No worth while free agents. Seriously. There wasn’t much out there to begin with, (Canty was a big name. Think about it.) he’s not going to overpay like some of these other teams. I still think we’ll pick some players up as the market calms down and this is what Ted is good at, bringing in guys we never heard of to really help the team.

7. He needs it to sign draft picks. We’re going to draft 16 people next month and those guys are going to need contracts.

6. Waiting for the uncapped 2010 season when things get crazy. As it stands, there will be no cap in 2010 and small market teams like the Packers are going to be screwed. You think people don’t want to come to Green Bay NOW? Wait a year. Next year, it’s going to be like Jericho in the NFL. There will be chaos and outrageous shenanigans, death and destruction everywhere, and some money hidden for safe keeping. Ted will have ammo to possibly compete with the insane market that’s going to be here in a year.

5. Doesn’t know how to work the phone. Old people struggle with technology. Maybe he WANTED to make some deals, but couldn’t get the phone to call anyone outside of the Packers offices. Hit 9 first, Ted!

4. Spent it on glasses and cool shorts.

The man knows style

The man knows style

Come on, look at that. The guy is styling and profiling.

3. Saving up to buy a soul. Look at that soulless son of a bitch. He’s going to be using our money to make a deal with the devil so there’s a soul behind those beady little eyes.

2. Hates Packers fans. Maybe all the Brett Favre purists were right when they started saying this in 2005. Thompson was a Houston Oiler and has no real ties to the Green Bay area. He hates us and this proves it.

1. He forgot. Hey, he’s an older guy and sometimes you just forget things. I forgot my ex-girlfriend’s birthday once, thus the ex part. You know that emotionless look Ted has sometimes when he looks like he doesn’t even know what day it is? Maybe he doesn’t.

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